Writing Junk

[chrystalline]

One day in Film Directing class, Dr. Stenholm was lecturing as usual when she began, “If something is worth doing…”

With a mental eyeroll and a nod, I finished it in my head: “…it’s worth doing right.”

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Originally published at Chrystalline. You can comment here or there.

Comments

[majorsamfan.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of FlyLady's motto/mantra last year about not having to be perfect, that something not done perfectly was still done. Or something like that.

You know I am a perfectionist by nature and have so often not gotten things done because I couldn't start knowing it wasn't going to be done as well as I wished. Oh, how I wished to change that about myself. I still want to change that about me, but being younger, you have a better shot at it.

Step out in courage, dear one.

[chrystalline.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm not the only one; I'd feel really stupid if it was just me.

It seems like it's been years since my dad told me about a ceramics class once that did an experiment. Half the class was told they'd be graded on quality, the other half on quantity. The quality group spent most of the semester analyzing and discussing technique. The quantity group cheerfully turned out batch after batch of pieces, without worrying about the quality of the work. At the end, the quantity group had better pieces than the quality group, just because they'd had more practice.

I guess it's mainly pride; I'm ashamed to turn out anything less than what I consider perfect quality, so I pull back and say I don't know how, and never do it. Drawing, playing piano, etc. Writing is probably the only thing I always did on my own, so I'm better at it than most other stuff. Pretty silly, huh?

[majorsamfan.livejournal.com]

Not so much silly and very human. But *knowing* that about yourself gives you a step ahead to *change* that about yourself, don't you think?

Yes, it's pride. There's a balance, too. Choosing to focus on the things you like doing best and practicing those regularly so that you continue to grow and improve makes more sense than never doing any thing because you're worried it won't be perfect, don't you think? You weren't great at writing when you first started it, and you're better at it now than you were then, right?

I have so many interests that I call myself, "Jill of all trades, master of none," because I go from interest to interest, rotating between devoting a lot of time to scrapbooking, to writing, to painting, to photography, to music, to genealogy...and back again. When I'm doing a lot of one, I see great growth spurts, but if it's a year before I do it again, it's harder to get back on track at that same level. Like kids taking three months' vacation off school lose some of that and have to review for the first few weeks.

I actually have always thought I could do something, even if I hadn't done it. There's just been a confidence level inside me, justified or not. I really have always been able to do anything to which I set my mind, though many of those things not to a great degree of skill. For me, it goes back to what I *enjoy* doing. Some would say, "You'll enjoy what you do well," or "You'll do well what you enjoy," and I don't agree 100% with those generalizations. I have friends who *love* to play baseball/softball, but they don't necessarily have great talent at it. They do work at it and improve their skills.

I guess there are things for which we have innate talent and things we can learn skills to do with a degree of proficiency. I have friends who *love* to play certain sports, but they don't necessarily have great talent at them. They do work at it and improve their skills. That's kind of me with music. I have proficiency & skills because I've been trained, to go with my interest and enjoyment, but I don't have the pleasing voice that some others have.

It's the rare combination of talent/giftedness, interest and desire/commitment to work on the skills/proficiency that makes a "genius", a Michael Jordan, a Bach/Brahms/Beethoven or a Leonardo DaVinci, for example.

Interestingly, when a person becomes a Christian and is baptized with the Holy Spirit, they receive at least one "spiritual gift" to use for God that isn't something they had innately. Billy Graham was a "bad boy" who completely changed when he came to God. Moses was a spoiled palace brat turned murderer, with a speech impediment; God used them both to speak to millions and lead them to Himself. But it wasn't at all some talent they had before, or a skill they developed; it was a God thing.

Some days I wonder exactly what God gave me way back when and what is either just an innate talent or something I took an interest in and practiced. I guess it doesn't matter if I'm using it all for His glory. Then again, I sometimes wonder if He gave me something I have NOT been using and should have been. I know I don't live up to His expectations near as often as I want to, but I rest in His grace for that.

[chrystalline.livejournal.com]

I like your Thinky Jack icon:)

You sound a lot like me, here; I like a lot of different things, and I don't necessarily know what is the common theme. Well, that's not entirely accurate. One common theme is that I like to perform for praise; I don't think I ever learned how to value myself, so if I don't have others praising me for something, I feel worthless. I've been working on that, and I've come a long way, but I still haven't figured out how to be happy without the praise of others. Another is that I like things that are full of grace and beauty and passion. Music, dance, art, skating...even choreographed fights can be beautiful.

There is pleasure in doing something well and there is skill in repetition, so there is truth to what they say, but as usual it's been reduced to such a trite catchphrase that the subtleties of cause-and-effect are blurred.

I have no idea what gift(s) God may have given me that He hadn't given me at birth, but I have a lot of talents - more than I have time to really develop fully - and I don't seem to be able to pick and choose, so I find myself stalled in the middle, going nowhere, because to make progress, I have to walk away from some of them in order to pursue another. With focused effort, I could probably become quite good at drawing, painting, computer programming, playing an instrument, dancing, fighting, and more. I already have skill in writing, singing, photography, and general computer imagery. I just don't want to have to leave anything behind; I want to do it all.

The thing about the writing - I've never been able to stop. There is almost always a scene from a story playing in my head, whether I'm trying to go to sleep or getting ready for work or standing in line or driving somewhere or...you get the idea. It's always in novel form, because that's most of what I've read over the years. My mental voice takes the form of the narrator, whether it's action or dialogue or an internal view of a character. I remember having one of the girls from church over to play with Barbies when I was younger, and she laughed at me because I appended "he said" or "she said" to every line from every doll instead of just role-playing it. When you get right down to it, I live for fiction, because it's more interesting and predictable and understandable to me than real life, but the idea of sharing my original work publicly is as scary as the first time I had to solo in front of the whole church. I got used to it eventually, and even learned to enjoy it, but it's really scary in the beginning.

Wow, really ran away with me there, didn't it? :: wry grin :: Anyway, I'm going to try to type up a few of those older pieces by the end of the week (if the rest of the week is as busy as today, it's going to be Saturday before I can get anywhere, whew!). Hopefully I'll have something not-too-terrible ready to post next weekend.

Just some additional thoughts...

[majorsamfan.livejournal.com]

You know, before putting it "out there", you might consider a few trusted friends. I'd be happy to look something over. Also, consider a writers group where you can share your stuff - either online or in person. I go to one once a month.

I also belong to a couple of online groups. dragonsinger just formed an eljay community called storiesnstuff. It's a closed group (because she wants to keep it small), but after you've sent me a few pieces to read, I could vouch for you, if you're interested. I haven't submitted anything yet but I do plan to do so.

Another community is creativewriter, to which I also belong. It's a much bigger group with a lot of poets. I'm sure there are others out there. I know there are Yahoo lists, but again...that's going before strangers.

Re: Just some additional thoughts...

[mellymell.livejournal.com]

You might check at Flying Monkey Arts Center in Huntsville. I know a girl who was doing a monthly poetry reading there and people would read short stories sometimes, too. I just don't know if it's still going on. If not that, they might have other opportunities or groups that meet there.

Re: Just some additional thoughts...

[chrystalline.livejournal.com]

I've never been there; I don't know if I could read my writing in front of people I only just met, though. I think I prefer over email/internet, because that gives a shield - if people laugh, you don't have to know about it, unless they're too tactless to find a kind way to tell you what they think.

When I'm on the other side of the equation, reading someone else's work and being asked for an opinion, I'm always terrified of offending people with my expression or some minor tone of voice. :(

Re: Just some additional thoughts...

[chrystalline.livejournal.com]

Really? I'm ridiculously insecure about my fiction writing, so I definitely prefer the idea of running it past someone I know before posting it for all to see (especially if it's someone who understands the perfectionistic procrastination and is willing to prod a little to make sure I get it out instead of hiding forever because it isn't perfect yet;)

Those groups sound interesting, too; I'll have to check those out.

[mellymell.livejournal.com]

I can SO relate! The spans of time it takes me to finish costumes because I get paralyzed at a spot where I'm not absolutely certain how to proceed, or have a detail I'm just not entirely happy with, or a problem I've already created because I didn't know what I was doing at the time. For the same reasons, I haven't even attempted to start soldering silver. I'm always convinced I need some other tool or some training rather than just trying and learning from any mistakes I make in the meantime. If I spent half the time I do thinking about and planning projects and instead put that time toward actual work, I'd be really productive. I'd have some projects that might not be perfect, but I'd have some projects done.

[chrystalline.livejournal.com]

Heh. That's probably why I haven't done any costumes, despite my interest. I know they won't turn out as nice as I imagine them, and I need to lose weight, so it gets put off forever. :\

I've always had the idea you had to have the degree or certification before you could do anything. It's really a hindrance, and I'm trying to get past that. Somewhat comes from the whole, "you have to go to school and get an education" mentality that everyone pushes on kids. You don't need a complete school education if all you're going to do is become a skilled tradesman; our society's become a bit warped by the mandatory schooling thing.

Anyway, I'm trying to overcome this problem; there are a lot of things I'd like to have done, and this overwhelming perfectionism is getting in my way.

[mellymell.livejournal.com]

ditto! It's one of my new year's resolutions to stop paralyzing myself with unattainable expectations and just try to get some work done and get better at what I do know how to do and maybe learn some new skills in the process. I like your ceramics class example above.

Seems like the three of us here should start a perfectionist support group, heh. Though that would mean just more time to reflect on the problem rather than actually doing something about it.

[chrystalline.livejournal.com]

ROFL! We'd have to agree to hold each other accountable rather than help with over-analyzing everything. Pity it's so much easier said than done...